Recipe testing day for Blondie and Brownie's book "New York a la Cart". May 2012 Hasselblad Kodak Portra 400.
What sort of person are you? Do you plan every step of your life or is each brand new day an adventure of uncertainty? I was just thinking the other day. When I was 25 (2003) and on my way to school in NY, I didn't plan on being here for more than a few years. I'm close to being in this city for 10 yeas now. While I still dream about moving onto another city, realistic I see myself here.
Today is my dad's birthday. I wish him the bestest birthday ever. I wonder what his dreams were when he was young. I have heard many times the story of him escaping Vietnam to Hong Kong, during the Vietnam War. Are we all just made up of chances and luck and fate? It's hard to imagine what would've happened if he had stayed in Vietnam. I definitely wouldn't be here.
He told me on the phone, couple days ago, to "just keep photographing." I'm totally not the type to just sit around and wait. I hate the uncertainty of tomorrow. I want things to happen now. I want to keep photographing but sometimes I wonder, what's the point? My dad is stubborn and likes to argue but super duper supportive of the things my sisters and I are doing.
Last week I got some shitty news and though it wasn't as a smack in the face like I got from few years ago, it was still a little depressing to hear. BUT that smack in the face I got few years ago, now looking back, was probably the best thing that could've happened to me. I'm not very religious and don't really believe in one god but it's hard not to believe in fate. A lot of things in my life could've gone wrong and yet it has led me here.
Maybe I just need to be patience and live my life. I got my health, family and friends. Shooting film is a lot like life, don't you think? My dad gave me his Hasselblad and it only takes 12 pictures. You really have to think about your picture before snapping it, definitely a good exercise for any photographers. I take a photo and there's no way for me to know what it's going to look like. Did I get the aperture right? Did I over or underexposed it? You sort of have to just trust your guts, just like in life. Some pictures may turn out bad or just plain boring. But there are certainly some good ones. Though, no matter the outcome, it's you.
"The point is, not to resist the flow. You go up when you're supposed to go up and down when you're supposed to go down. When you're supposed to go up, find the highest tower and climb to the top. When you're supposed to go down, find the deepest well and go down to the bottom. When there's no flow, stay still. If you resist the flow, everything dries up. If everything dries up, the world is darkness."
― Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle